We Are Terrible Lovers of Ourselves

"Love yourself." "Be kind to yourself." "Treat yourself." This is the kind of wisdom that we hear in the world around us. Biblically speaking, there's a hint of truth and wisdom in these phrases. There's a need to be aware of one's limits and suffering. Wisdom allows for us to look for ways in which we need to be comforted and soothed in the busyness, bustle, and harshness of life. In fact, it seems that Jesus already knows that we are natural lovers of ourselves when he commands, "love your neightbor in the same way as you love yourself." We all have natural concerns for ourselves.

And yet, if we were honest, the concept of "love yourself" has been used as a license to self-indulgence. We think we love ourselves by the food we eat, by the clothes we purchase, or by the hours we spend in isolation from other people. "Love yourself", in many ways, has become a mantra by which we serve ourselves unhibited. In a way, we treat ourselves almost like we are our own gods. We look to ourselves as objects of service and worship. As our own gods, we look to ourselves for ultimate satisfaction and affirmation.

Unfortunately, we are terrible lovers of ourselves. Why? Because we are fallible. We'll never be able to ultimately love and satisfy ourselves in the ways that we think we can (or in the ways that we need). No matter how hard we try, our love for ourselves will fail.

We are terrible lovers in general.

After all, look how we are terrible lovers in general. Being human, we are so limited and fallible in our love for others. And since we are sinners, the love that we do have for others is often dealt conditionally, based on the other person's performance. Therefore, we fail to satisfy, to comfort, and to affirm in the ways that we ought. As sinful human beings, we are terrible sources of love, both for others and for ourselves.

Husbands are fallible lovers of their wives. Parents are fallible lovers of their children. Pastors are fallible lovers of their churches. No matter how hard we try and how far we go, we will never be able to fully care for and satisfy someone. We do what we can, but we can only go so far. We are fallible lovers of everyone. Since we are fallible lovers of others, we will be fallible lovers of ourselves. Therefore, if we depend on ourselves for love, we doom ourselves to disappointment.

Perhaps, there is a better lover.

But, perhaps there's someone that loves us better than we love ourselves. Perhaps there's someone who loves perfectly and without end. Perhaps there's a kind of love that infallibly extends to us, despite our failures. Perhaps there's someone who is able to change us and satisfy us in the deepest ways possible.

The Bible shows us that the only one who can love in this way is God himself. He is love, meaning he is the source and standard of love (1 Jn. 4:8). Therefore, as the ultimate source of love, he is worthy of our service and worship. His love is infinite and infallible because he is infinite and infallible. He's demonstrated that infinite love towards us in the death of Christ (Rom. 5:8), and he's poured it into our hearts through his Spirit (Rom. 5:5).

How freeing is this? No longer are we bound by the need to seek out ways that we can be satisfied or loved. Rather, we are free to live out of the reality that we are fully loved in spite of ourselves. We may be terrible lovers of ourselves, but God is a wonderful lover of us. He satisfies us and cares for us in ways that we cannot do for ourselves. God loves us infintely more than we will ever be able to love ourselves.